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    Help with my fantasy?

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    Saltytoes

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    Help with my fantasy?

    Post  Saltytoes on Fri Jul 09, 2010 11:34 am

    I have been working on making a fantasy, and I need your opinions and criticism to help me figure it out... first off: The Races
    Human-Most Populous of the Races, control 3 kingdoms, each with different goals, which describes humanity, no two humans ever seem to have the same agenda... Humans look just like the Humans of real life
    Dwarves-Near Extinct, a recent cave-in of the Great Mountain Dwar, caused many Dwarven cities to be caved in and nearly put an end to the Dwarven race... Dwarves are like humans, their noses are generally smaller, their legs and arms are usually shorter but stronger and their bodies are generally small or fat,
    Elves- Come in 3 Varieties, Civilized, Savage and Dark, Civilized Elves are peaceful, and don't tend to exit their nation's borders, Savage Elves are Civilized Elves gone wild, they live in tribes, and will kill any outsider they see and Dark Elves are masters of the Fel arts, Outcasted by civilized Elves, they seek revenge and to possibly destroy the world. Civilized Elves are peached-skinned, tallest of the races (next to Ogres, Dragons and Giants) their arms are unnoticeabley longer than their legs, but their tall bodies make this irrelevent, Dark Elves tend to be shorter, their ears are more rounded, and their legs and arms are Dwarf-sized, their bodies are as well too, their skin is a dark, dark, blue. Savage Elves look exaclty like Civilized Elves, only wear more primal armor.
    Goblins-Hobgoblins are their full name, and are short, brown and constantly infighting, never actually gone to war with a second race! (or rumor says) The Goblin's Homeland is all but deserted, as Goblins have gone to other parts of the World for work... land and power,
    Dragons-Two kinds, Fel and normal, Fel Dragons are corrupted, their scales have withered and turned white, and their minds have deteriorated, making them go crazy, and the normal are mixed, some seek to destroy, some seek riches, some seek to protect, some seek to create. Fel Dragons are the stereotypical Dragon with white scales, Normal, Defending Dragons are the same only with Blue, Red or Yellow scales, Creating Dragons are rare, and small, they float, and look a lot like Chinese Dragons, only they are rather Small and have 6 legs on each side of their body.
    Trolls-a Warlike race in general, there are 3 primary tribes, all of them warring against a just as warlike race, the Giants, they are very nomadic, moving from area-to-area within the Trol Basin, Skin color varies a ton, their skin is usually red or green... they have fangs that can be used for assassination... and rumor has it they have no real language, just a few grunts and groans...
    Giants-Destroyers of many races and nations, these nomads are warlike, moving into enemy nations just for the bloodlust, they are Ogres that have been demonically corrupted. These are fat, their legs are their tallest feature though, their ares are rather stubby compared to the rest of their body, they all have big heads.
    Ogres-Peaceful, kind, and loving, these words describe the Ogre, despite their size and strength, they only seek peace and survival, have made alliances with almost every nation in the world, they are ruled by a single council, the Ring of Og... These are fat and about 2 times the size of a Human, their arms reach down to their knees when standing straight, but their legs are very stubby.
    These are the races I got done, I will edit further if I get more ideas for races...


    Last edited by Saltytoes on Fri Jul 09, 2010 2:13 pm; edited 3 times in total
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    Onawe Skychaser

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    Re: Help with my fantasy?

    Post  Onawe Skychaser on Fri Jul 09, 2010 11:45 am

    Saltytoes wrote:I have been working on making a fantasy, and I need your opinions and criticism to help me figure it out... first off: The Races
    Human-Most Populous of the Races, controll 3 kingdoms, each with different goals, which describes humanity, no two humans ever seem to have the same agenda...
    Dwarves-Near Extinct, a recent cave-in of the Great Mountain Dwar, caused many Dwarven cities to be caved in and nearly put an end to the Dwarven race...
    Elves- Come in 3 Varieties, Civilized, Savage and Dark, Civilized Elves are peaceful, and don't tend to exit their nation's borders, Savage Elves are Civilized Elves gone wild, they live in tribes, and will kill any outsider they see and Dark Elves are masters of the Fel arts, Outcasted by civilized Elves, they seek revenge and to possibly destroy the world.
    Goblins-Hobgoblins are their full name, and are short, light brown, and masters of mercantile and assassination, they own almost all of the trading posts in the world, but there is no single Goblin nation, due to the Goblins constantly fighting one another, rather than an enemy.
    Dragons-Two kinds, Fel and normal, Fel Dragons are corrupted, their scales have withered and turned white, and their minds have deteriorated, making them go crazy, and the normal are mixed, some seek to destroy, some seek riches, some seek to protect, some seek to create
    Trolls-a Warlike race, there are 3 primary tribes, all of them warring against a just as warlike race, the Giants,
    Giants-Destroyers of many races and nations, these nomads are warlike, moving into enemy nations just for the bloodlust, they are Ogres that have been demonically corrupted, seek only bloodlust.
    Ogres-Peaceful, kind, and loving, these words describe the Ogre, despite their size and strength, they only seek peace and survival, have made alliances with almost every nation in the world, they are ruled by a single council, the Ring of Og...
    These are the races I got done, I will edit further if I get more ideas for races...
    Wow. This reminds me of my recent one. However, yours has some very noticable WoW References.

    I'd say edit out some WoW References to make it more original, but all in all it seems... good. Peaceful Ogres are rare, so I'll give you bonus points for that.
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    Saltytoes

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    Re: Help with my fantasy?

    Post  Saltytoes on Fri Jul 09, 2010 11:47 am

    Onawe Skychaser wrote:
    Saltytoes wrote:I have been working on making a fantasy, and I need your opinions and criticism to help me figure it out... first off: The Races
    Human-Most Populous of the Races, controll 3 kingdoms, each with different goals, which describes humanity, no two humans ever seem to have the same agenda...
    Dwarves-Near Extinct, a recent cave-in of the Great Mountain Dwar, caused many Dwarven cities to be caved in and nearly put an end to the Dwarven race...
    Elves- Come in 3 Varieties, Civilized, Savage and Dark, Civilized Elves are peaceful, and don't tend to exit their nation's borders, Savage Elves are Civilized Elves gone wild, they live in tribes, and will kill any outsider they see and Dark Elves are masters of the Fel arts, Outcasted by civilized Elves, they seek revenge and to possibly destroy the world.
    Goblins-Hobgoblins are their full name, and are short, light brown, and masters of mercantile and assassination, they own almost all of the trading posts in the world, but there is no single Goblin nation, due to the Goblins constantly fighting one another, rather than an enemy.
    Dragons-Two kinds, Fel and normal, Fel Dragons are corrupted, their scales have withered and turned white, and their minds have deteriorated, making them go crazy, and the normal are mixed, some seek to destroy, some seek riches, some seek to protect, some seek to create
    Trolls-a Warlike race, there are 3 primary tribes, all of them warring against a just as warlike race, the Giants,
    Giants-Destroyers of many races and nations, these nomads are warlike, moving into enemy nations just for the bloodlust, they are Ogres that have been demonically corrupted, seek only bloodlust.
    Ogres-Peaceful, kind, and loving, these words describe the Ogre, despite their size and strength, they only seek peace and survival, have made alliances with almost every nation in the world, they are ruled by a single council, the Ring of Og...
    These are the races I got done, I will edit further if I get more ideas for races...
    Wow. This reminds me of my recent one. However, yours has some very noticable WoW References.

    I'd say edit out some WoW References to make it more original, but all in all it seems... good. Peaceful Ogres are rare, so I'll give you bonus points for that.
    could you name some WoW References? First time in a long time making a fantasy...
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    Onawe Skychaser

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    Re: Help with my fantasy?

    Post  Onawe Skychaser on Fri Jul 09, 2010 11:57 am

    Goblins being big traders and mercs is the largest one.

    Can you explain the physical appearance of the races? Some you mentioned, but some you have not. The Tribal Trolls is another part alike to WoW, but then again, in most books Trolls and tribal/savage. But the savage and tribal Trolls is good, as long as they aren't green and blue with tusks and a Jamacin accent.
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    Saltytoes

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    Re: Help with my fantasy?

    Post  Saltytoes on Fri Jul 09, 2010 12:47 pm

    Onawe Skychaser wrote:Goblins being big traders and mercs is the largest one.

    Can you explain the physical appearance of the races? Some you mentioned, but some you have not. The Tribal Trolls is another part alike to WoW, but then again, in most books Trolls and tribal/savage. But the savage and tribal Trolls is good, as long as they aren't green and blue with tusks and a Jamacin accent.
    Thank you.
    P.S. I fixed em a little.
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    Onawe Skychaser

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    Re: Help with my fantasy?

    Post  Onawe Skychaser on Fri Jul 09, 2010 2:09 pm

    I like it. Do you have a map? If not, Isuggest using Paint,uploading the map onto a sight, and using Insert Picture to put it in here.
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    Saltytoes

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    Re: Help with my fantasy?

    Post  Saltytoes on Fri Jul 09, 2010 2:13 pm

    Onawe Skychaser wrote:I like it. Do you have a map? If not, Isuggest using Paint,uploading the map onto a sight, and using Insert Picture to put it in here.
    not yet, I suck at maps.
    maybe I will work on it in the near future.
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    Onawe Skychaser

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    Re: Help with my fantasy?

    Post  Onawe Skychaser on Fri Jul 09, 2010 2:22 pm

    You suck at maps? Strange, because I LOVE making maps! Maybe I can help you. You could draw a rough sketch, and I could, like, do mah thing wit it.
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    Saltytoes

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    Re: Help with my fantasy?

    Post  Saltytoes on Fri Jul 09, 2010 2:39 pm

    Onawe Skychaser wrote:You suck at maps? Strange, because I LOVE making maps! Maybe I can help you. You could draw a rough sketch, and I could, like, do mah thing wit it.
    I like making maps, but they aren't that good, I made my best, but I dunno what site to put it on...
    (I GOT IT! It could be my Avatar!)
    Never mind... It makes all the lines invisible on it /sigh


    Last edited by Saltytoes on Fri Jul 09, 2010 2:51 pm; edited 1 time in total
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    Onawe Skychaser

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    Re: Help with my fantasy?

    Post  Onawe Skychaser on Fri Jul 09, 2010 2:51 pm

    YES!
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    Saltytoes

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    Re: Help with my fantasy?

    Post  Saltytoes on Fri Jul 09, 2010 2:57 pm

    Onawe Skychaser wrote:YES!
    The map my good sir
    http://illiweb.com/fa/pbucket.gif
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    Onawe Skychaser

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    Re: Help with my fantasy?

    Post  Onawe Skychaser on Fri Jul 09, 2010 3:15 pm

    I'm not sure what the lines meant really, or the whole "Twin Rivers" thing, but I edited it. I added some mountains up aroundthe north, because an entire world of plainlands with no mountains seems odd.

    Here it is:

    new map
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    Saltytoes

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    Re: Help with my fantasy?

    Post  Saltytoes on Fri Jul 09, 2010 3:32 pm

    Onawe Skychaser wrote:I'm not sure what the lines meant really, or the whole "Twin Rivers" thing, but I edited it. I added some mountains up aroundthe north, because an entire world of plainlands with no mountains seems odd.

    Here it is:

    new map
    Blue lines were the rivers/coasts, and the black lines were nation borders
    It won't let me see it for some reason.
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    Onawe Skychaser

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    Re: Help with my fantasy?

    Post  Onawe Skychaser on Fri Jul 09, 2010 3:56 pm

    http://illiweb.com/fa/pbucket.gif

    Should I fill in the rivers with blue? Cus Hurr seems like an island.
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    Saltytoes

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    Re: Help with my fantasy?

    Post  Saltytoes on Fri Jul 09, 2010 4:30 pm

    Onawe Skychaser wrote:http://illiweb.com/fa/pbucket.gif

    Should I fill in the rivers with blue? Cus Hurr seems like an island.
    It is an island, so the water is up to you.
    And this is a much better map, thank you, and I am glad you didn't change TOO much.
    cheers
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    Onawe Skychaser

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    Re: Help with my fantasy?

    Post  Onawe Skychaser on Fri Jul 09, 2010 4:38 pm

    NP, NP. I'd be glad to RP in your universe, if the oppurtunity ever does arise.
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    Saltytoes

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    Re: Help with my fantasy?

    Post  Saltytoes on Fri Jul 09, 2010 4:51 pm

    Onawe Skychaser wrote:NP, NP. I'd be glad to RP in your universe, if the oppurtunity ever does arise.
    You have a weird Avatar...
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    Onawe Skychaser

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    Re: Help with my fantasy?

    Post  Onawe Skychaser on Fri Jul 09, 2010 5:07 pm

    It's the cartoon drawing of a Golem from my fantasy.
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    Saltytoes

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    Re: Help with my fantasy?

    Post  Saltytoes on Fri Jul 09, 2010 5:21 pm

    Onawe Skychaser wrote:It's the cartoon drawing of a Golem from my fantasy.
    ah, thank you.
    alien
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    Onawe Skychaser

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    Re: Help with my fantasy?

    Post  Onawe Skychaser on Fri Jul 09, 2010 6:37 pm

    By the way, I suck at every type of drawing besides maps.

    And even those I'm not very good at.
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    Saltytoes

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    Re: Help with my fantasy?

    Post  Saltytoes on Sat Jul 10, 2010 3:04 pm

    Onawe Skychaser wrote:By the way, I suck at every type of drawing besides maps.

    And even those I'm not very good at.
    Trust me... I am WORSE
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    Re: Help with my fantasy?

    Post  Onawe Skychaser on Sat Jul 10, 2010 4:34 pm

    ... A bit...

    Here's the map for my fantasy world:

    http://illiweb.com/fa/pbucket.gif

    I added colors and small picutres to show the location of cities, rivers, what type of terrain, etc.

    And this is my more detailed map of a "country":

    http://illiweb.com/fa/pbucket.gif
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    Re: Help with my fantasy?

    Post  Saltytoes on Sat Jul 10, 2010 6:22 pm

    All right, I need critism on the nations too.
    Northern Dwar: The Mountain Dwarves are a very strong race, but refuse to go to war unless provoked, and this has made their army restless, causing an outbreak of violence within the mountains... currently, the Warlike people live in Southern Dwar and the peaceful ones live in Northern Dwar.
    Southern Dwar: The Hills and canyons of Dwar, home to the more warlike Dwarves, who routinely invade the Trol Basin and occasionally raid Eden's Outer Villages.
    Goblingar: Home of the Goblins, a hostile race, to each other mostly, their land was once lush and green, the envy of all races, perfect for farmland and city-building... Until the Goblingar civil war began, no one knows why it broke out or what is prolonging it, as of now, there are -hundreds- of Goblin factions trying to take control of the once-green land, which is now a Desert in the east (where the thickest of fighting goes on) and lush in the West.
    Og: The Peaceful Ogres, they used to control eastern Goblingar, part of Darkhond, and a small chunck of Eden, until the Giants came... they decimated much of the Ogres' land, and the Ogres rushed to defend themselves, allowing the Goblins, Dark Elves and Humans to slowly occupy it in the Ogres' absence.
    Valgarde: A gritty nation, unlike their southern Bretheren, they do not wear elaborate blue armor, nor do they focus on making their buildings beatiful, their armor is plain, black and grim, for their city is under an eternal siege from the Redknuckle Warband of Giants, whom are on the verge of bringing down the Walls of Valgarde. These are Hardy Elves, and stubborn, refusing to flee from any battle at all.
    Elvin: A coalition of Elven city-states in the south, just south of the Trol Basin, West of the Wildlands, their union is loose, held toghether by a single council... They have little threats to make them worry of defense and such, making them specialize in the arts, their fighting style is fancy, their architecture is beatiful, and their color theme is Blue and Yellow, only the Trolls could make them worry at all, and they have the Trolls pinned down at this time, making life in there great.
    Galvin Basin: A Militaristic human nation, they focus on building strength, forging powerful weapons, and going to war, they have attacked Giant-Controlled Lands many-a-time, and are preparing for the ultimate invasion...
    Harr: This Defensive Human nation is not only the most technologically advanced nation of all time, but quite possibly the second most powerful (next to the Giants) their beaches, once known for being lush, are now covered in pikes, in order to keep Giants off of their land, the only openings are at the Two ports, Northern Port and Southern Port, Harr was once the center of trade for the world, but now is in a struggling economy.
    Eden: This refuge nation is made up of people fleeing from the Giantlands, their architecture, armor and focuses vary from region to region, under attack from Giants, Wayward Trolls, Southern Dwarves and some Dark Elves...
    charr: Will put in later
    Darkhond: The land of Dark Elven exile, when the practice of Fel became illegal in Valgarde and Elvin, the local enforcers rounded up the practioneers of fel and threw them into the Northwoods, where they work to corrupt races into their bidding, namely Dragons and Ogres, whom are bent on destruction of the World.
    Giantlands: The Giants are made up of dozens, nay, Hundreds of Warbands, some big, up to half a million, some as small as a family of ten, the Largest three are:
    The Redknuckle Warband: just over half a million, Attacking Valgarde
    The Bleedface Warband: Keeping pressure on the Human Nations of Eden and Harr, occasionally raiding Og, about half a million
    The Burningfoot Warband: Primary invaders of Og, occasionally raid Eden, just under 300,000 strong.


    Last edited by Saltytoes on Sun Jul 11, 2010 1:52 pm; edited 1 time in total
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    Onawe Skychaser

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    Re: Help with my fantasy?

    Post  Onawe Skychaser on Sat Jul 10, 2010 6:50 pm

    This refuge nation is made up of mostly refugees - Redundant. All else is good.

    geek
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    Onawe Skychaser

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    Re: Help with my fantasy?

    Post  Onawe Skychaser on Sun Jul 11, 2010 12:33 pm

    Actually, e whole "Fel" thing is a major WoW-only theme. You may want to change "Fel Magic" to, like, "the Dark arts" or maybe "Darke arts".

    From what you've told me, I think I can muster up a colored map. Salty's Map 2.0.


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